Check Your Girl - Home Page  Why we are here....to help you out of course.  Common Traps that they use to snare you.  What to do before...or after  Your Ideas on Realistic Solutions...which others can apply...help us make this better for everyone.  Some stories which may be like your own.  Your Story...you know...what happened to you...share it.  Jackson, Cruz, Murphy Enterprises
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Ideas and Solutions
 
What we all know...

Stating that there is a problem is the first step toward finding a solution. Any person observing this downward spiraling cycle can see that it is flawed, but stating that it is flawed is simply not enough. We have to hold people accountable for their actions. People have to take responsibility for what they are doing and what they have done. If you are in a casual relationship, having a baby that you cannot care for is not a good idea. Using a child as a source of income is like prostituting your child and not only is that immoral, it is unethical.
Children need two parents to add stability to their lives and so that they can learn what the function of both genders/parents are in an intimate family environment. Let's stay focused here. This is not some religious agenda, so when I mention what the child needs, let's not split hairs. This is about inclusion and not exclusion.

Time Tables Child Placement Reimbursement Request
Fueling Animosity   Personal Feelings


Problem: Differing time tables

    You do not have the same time table as your partner. Many people don't talk honestly and openly with their partners. A woman may be afraid to speak up and tell you that she wants to have a child because she fears that you will not be ready for the responsibility of raising one.
Idea: Protect yourself at all times
    Use protection at all times! Do not count on her to use protection because you do not know what her time table is and you may never know, until it is too late. Don't smack yourself when it is too late, use protection and extract yourself before you finish just in case the protection breaks. Many children have been created as a result of a broken condom.
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Problem: Child placement where it makes least sense
    The parent making the least amount of money is sometimes awarded custody of the child. In this day and age where women work as do men, what is the criteria for judging who the child is best placed with? More money doesn't make a better environment for a child but don't both of the parents love the child?
Idea: Better child placement by the courts
    One might wonder why the system is not set up to place the children into the custody of the parent who is making the most money, as that person has a better chance of providing them with the type of lifestyle that they have grown accustomed to, while the other parent's financial contributions would be much less or even unnecessary, allowing a better situation all around. Many of the men I have spoken with spend more time with their children then their wives do so what determines which parent should be the custodial parent, because certainly it is not logic.
    If one parent believes that the child would be better off with the other parent and can agree to this, why can't both parents also agree on a monetary amount that is best for the CHILD'S welfare and only the CHILD'S welfare?
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Problem: Custodial parents requesting reimbursement for free services
    Some parents are getting free services for child care and other such vouchers and yet trying to hold the other parent financially responsible for this money. The court does not investigate this and it is rare that the non-custodial parent ever receives compensation for giving more than required.
Idea: Find free services to reduce financial liability or seek pay per service agreement
    Search for services that the custodial parent qualifies for that will reduce the amount that you have to pay. Find out if the court will allow you to pay bills, rather than pay the custodial parent.
    For instance:
    You pay the custodial parent $100-150 per month for your child but you pay child care costs directly so that you always know the cost of what you are paying for. Take your child shopping for clothes instead of leaving this in the hands of the custodial parent. If the custodial parent thinks that she can take care of the child she should be able to put a roof over the child's head at the very least, correct? Children do not need new clothes monthly, so this should be a quarterly expense. Why is it levied monthly?
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Problem: Courts fuel animosity through increase financial requirements
    The courts know that there is animosity between the parents that is driving one parent beyond the realm of support and into a personal vendetta fueled by these disaffected judges and the poor system in place that doesn't take into account that the man should not have to provide alimony along with child support to the woman who has his child.
Idea: Seek pay per service agreements
    Have the custodial parent bring in a listing of bills that are incurred during the month, for a 3 month period, that relate directly to the child. Food, day care, entertainment, supplies for school and other monthly bills which can be split up between the parents to determine the amount of the non-custodial parent's portion of child support.
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Problem: Personal feelings affecting parental interaction
    You found that your spouse/significant other cheated on you after the child was born, but the child is biologically yours.
Solution: Separate your emotions regarding your ex and your child
    Keep your feelings for your former spouse/significant other separate from the emotional relationship that you have for your child. Make sure that the former does not adversely affect the latter. The world is not a perfect place. Play the cards that you have been dealt.
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Problem: The non-custodial parent is denied time with his/her child
    The custodial parent is letting personal emotions govern the role of the non-custodial parent, rather than understanding that the child will be hurt by not being able to establish a solid relationship with his/her non-custodial parent due to the custodial parents inability to compartmentalize personal feelings.
Solution: Separate your emotions regarding your ex and your child...sound familiar
    Keep your feelings for your former spouse/significant other out of the equation that determines how often your child will spend with their non-custodial parent. Just because you couldn't make things work out with the non-custodial parent, doesn't mean that your child can't, unless you screw it up.

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