What we all know...
Stating that there is a problem is the first step toward finding a solution. Any person observing this downward spiraling cycle
can see that it is flawed, but stating that it is flawed is simply not enough. We have to hold people accountable for their actions.
People have to take responsibility for what they are doing and what they have done. If you are in a casual relationship, having a baby
that you cannot care for is not a good idea. Using a child as a source of income is like prostituting your child and not only is that
immoral, it is unethical.
Children need two parents to add stability to their lives and so that they can learn what the function of both genders/parents are in
an intimate family environment. Let's stay focused here. This is not some religious agenda, so when I mention
what the child needs, let's not split hairs. This is about inclusion and not exclusion.
Problem: Differing time tables
You do not have the same time table as your partner. Many people don't talk honestly and openly with their partners.
A woman may be afraid to speak up and tell you that she wants to have a child because she fears that you will not be
ready for the responsibility of raising one.
Idea: Protect yourself at all times
Use protection at all times! Do not count on her to use protection because you do not know what her time table is and
you may never know, until it is too late. Don't smack yourself when it is too late, use protection and extract yourself before
you finish just in case the protection breaks. Many children have been created as a result of a broken condom.
Top Of Page
Problem: Child placement where it makes least sense
The parent making the least amount of money is sometimes awarded custody of the child. In this day and age where women work as do men,
what is the criteria for judging who the child is best placed with? More money doesn't make a better environment for a child but
don't both of the parents love the child?
Idea: Better child placement by the courts
One might wonder why the system is not set up to place the children into the custody of the parent who is making the most money, as
that person has a better chance of providing them with the type of lifestyle that they have grown accustomed to, while the other parent's
financial contributions would be much less or even unnecessary, allowing a better situation all around. Many of the men I have spoken
with spend more time with their children then their wives do so what determines which parent should be the custodial parent, because certainly
it is not logic.
Top Of Page
If one parent believes that the child would be better off with the other parent and can agree to this, why can't both parents also agree on
a monetary amount that is best for the CHILD'S welfare and only the CHILD'S welfare?
Problem: Custodial parents requesting reimbursement for free services
Some parents are getting free services for child care and other such vouchers and yet trying to hold the other parent financially responsible for
this money. The court does not investigate this and it is rare that the non-custodial parent ever receives compensation for giving more than required.
Idea: Find free services to reduce financial liability or seek pay per service agreement
Search for services that the custodial parent qualifies for that will reduce the amount that you have to pay. Find out if the court will allow you to
pay bills, rather than pay the custodial parent.
Top Of Page
You pay the custodial parent $100-150 per month for your child but you pay child care costs directly so that you always know the
cost of what you are paying for. Take your child shopping for clothes instead of leaving this in the hands of the custodial parent.
If the custodial parent thinks that she can take care of the child she should be able to put a roof over the child's head at the
very least, correct?
Children do not need new clothes monthly, so this should be a quarterly expense. Why is it levied monthly?
Problem: Courts fuel animosity through increase financial requirements
The courts know that there is animosity between the parents that is driving one parent beyond the realm of support and into a personal
vendetta fueled by these disaffected judges and the poor system in place that doesn't take into account that the man should not have to
provide alimony along with child support to the woman who has his child.
Idea: Seek pay per service agreements
Have the custodial parent bring in a listing of bills that are incurred during the month, for a 3 month period, that relate directly
to the child. Food, day care, entertainment, supplies for school and other monthly bills which can be split up between the parents
to determine the amount of the non-custodial parent's portion of child support.
Top Of Page
Problem: Personal feelings affecting parental interaction
You found that your spouse/significant other cheated on you after the child was born, but the child is biologically yours.
Solution: Separate your emotions regarding your ex and your child
Keep your feelings for your former spouse/significant other separate from the emotional relationship that you have
for your child. Make sure that the former does not adversely affect the latter. The world is not a perfect place.
Play the cards that you have been dealt.
Top Of Page
Problem: The non-custodial parent is denied time with his/her child
The custodial parent is letting personal emotions govern the role of the
non-custodial parent, rather than understanding that the child will be hurt by
not being able to establish a solid relationship with his/her non-custodial
parent due to the custodial parents inability to compartmentalize personal feelings.
Solution: Separate your emotions regarding your ex and your child...sound familiar
Keep your feelings for your former spouse/significant other out of the equation that determines
how often your child will spend with their non-custodial parent. Just because you couldn't make
things work out with the non-custodial parent, doesn't mean that your child can't, unless you
screw it up.