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The mind of a Gentleman...how ill prepared we are

The mind of a Gentleman

A gentleman doesn't usually feel comfortable asking his mate to take a paternity test. This doesn't seem proper or polite. At the very heart of this, your mate will likely believe that you are trying to weasel out of your responsibility and starts to blame you for turning a wonderful experience into an awful experience. Additionally, if he asks her to have a paternity test performed, she will believe that he is questioning her integrity and this may now culminate in the end of a relationship that he is obviously interested in maintaining. What woman, in a monogamous relationship, wants her male partner to question her fidelity?
Yet, this is now becoming a requirement and burden of that man, as his rights to live free have a time limit. In Colorado, if a couple has a child the man has only 5 years to question paternity.

  • He usually needs a reason to question the child's paternity.
  • Is there a time limit on freedom?
  • Why should a man in a monogamous relationship feel that any child produced would not be his?
  • What happened to the premise of innocent until proven guilty?
  • When DNA proves him innocent, how is the man found guilty by the courts? Make no mistake, this is a sentence of guilt as his very freedom can be taken away from him if he doesn't pay a monthly fine.

Historical stereotypes prevailing over logic

The women who perpetrate this irresponsible behavior and subject men to unfair circumstances are using and relying upon the old stereotypes about men being disloyal dogs who spread their seed without thinking about the consequences. It is this image that blinds court rooms and judges. It is traditional belief and ingrained stereotypes that rule in court rooms around the country. How long will it take for the new statistics to role in and force new ways of thinking? Most men are not emotionless filandering irresponsible dogs who carelessly spread their seed!!! Some articles that I have read have suggested that 1 in 3 fathers paying support is supporting a child that he is not biologically responsible for creating. An article that I read on-line a few months ago, in the Atlanta-Journal Constitution mentioned a study in England in which the number of men supporting children that they thought were theirs but were proven not to be by DNA, was so large that the results of the study were not released to the fathers for fear of wide spread domestic abuse. This article is in the AJC archives and it costs money to view but it is worth reading.(footnote) These were men in long term relationships, not just men making "booty calls". Isn't it shocking that many men are actually unprepared for the level of deception that a woman, like this, is capable of?
Because of this:

  • Men find it hard to commit to having a child.
    (Fear of deception)
  • Men try to talk about the worse case scenario before having a child.
    (Pre-planning)
  • Men want DNA testing as a standard part of the birthing hospital visit.
    (Certainty state imposed since the state can impose support.)
  • Men have baby mama drama in the first place.
    (Betrayal by the woman they love and trust.)
  • Men want to limit the number of children they have with a woman.
    (The more children he has the more he has to pay if this is a scam.)

Seeing with new eyes makes the world seem scarier

While talking to Mr. Cruz about this topic, when I suggested that he get a paternity test, he balked. He said, "I want to be a man and a man takes care of his responsibilities." I have known Mr. Cruz for his entire life and I was proud of that statement because I have helped to shape his perspective. I actually felt embarrassed about asking him, but thinking of my own experience gave me strength and I replied, "I totally agree with you, but are you sure that this child is your biological child?" He looked at me quizzically and said, "Yeah." I returned with, "Then what is the problem?"
Read his story for more about that, but understand that I knew what the problem was already. We were raised to protect and cherish women. We were not raised around women who did things like this and no one ever sat us down to explain that this was happening. This happens everywhere. We could have lived next door to someone who was raising a child that was not his biologically or paying for a child that was not biologically his, but we never knew it! No one ever told us about this! What happened to Women are Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice?

A woman is a man's dream

It should come as no surprise that men love women. The sun shines brighter and the air smells fresher when you are with the right woman. She is a lady who is proud and reliable. Her sophistication along with her self image is what prevents her from becoming anything less than the Sugar and Spice that makes Everything in the world seem nice for the man that loves her. These ladies are placed into awkward situations and their loyalty and dignity are questioned because the court forces the burden upon the man, and the women with little prospects in life and lacking in dignity cause widespread distrust of women in general by men.
A strong woman, a feminist, who believes in equality and self-determination would never let herself fall so low as to trap the wrong man and still call herself a strong person in search of equality and widespread acceptance. This woman would be a thorn in a true feminist's side. A sorry image that she is trying to distance herself from in the hopes of being treated equally.
Many women look down at other women because of the paths that they have taken in life. A year ago, young ladies attending Spellman College in Atlanta, Ga got together to protest the degrading way that women were portrayed in music video's, after a video was aired in which a woman has a card swiped through her behind. They felt that she poorly portrayed women. I say that they are not the only women who are poorly portraying women. They are not the only one's making the struggle of the women in our society a difficult journey. Look now at the women who falsely accuse men and take a measure of the effect that they are having upon other women.

  • Women who are questioned when they have remained loyal.
  • Women who are discarded before relationships blossom.
  • Women who find it increasingly difficult to find a good man. Men are out there, they are just afraid of what they now see as a growing problem.



Excerpt from the AJC archives ( http://nl.newsbank.com/nl-search/we/Archives?p_action=list&p_topdoc=11)
 
4 percent of dads have been fooled
Paternity studies reveal the truth
Date: August 12, 2005 Publication: Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The (GA) Page Number: G1 Word Count: 597
"Who's your daddy" is a question more fathers are bound to ask now that British scientists have reported that at least 4 percent of dads are raising another man's child without knowing it. Their research, published in the prestigious Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, was based on recent DNA testing, intended in part to answer increasing questions from fathers who wonder whether children they think are theirs could have been sired.
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